SORE LOSER

[yukulicious]

Title Sore Loser
Fandom EXO
Raiting NC-17
Genre romance
Length ~14 500
Chapter oneshot
Warning strong language; explicit sexual content
Disclaimer English is not my first language. I won nothing but the plot and the formulations. This is fiction.
Summary It's always been a competition between the two of them, ever since they were young. Growing up together they used to fight over who would get the best grade on the test, or who would grow to be the tallest. Now that they're in college, they're competing over who's the best kisser. And they only trust themselves to be the judges.

I wrote this story as part of the Zitaowmyheart fanfic fest 2016. The prompt I used reads the following:
"It's always been a competition between the two of them, ever since they were young. Growing up together they used to fight for who would get the best grade on a test, or who would grow to be the tallest. Now that they're in college, they're competing over who's the best kisser. And they only trust themselves to be the judges."

It was the first time I wrote this pairing back then and I regret not writing it much after that because it was a lot of fun.
Also, I'd be overjoyed to receive some feedback. ♡ 


 

 

He huffs angrily when he reaches the tread of stairs only a few seconds behind his roommate who leans on their shared flat’s door. He tries to lean there leisurely and fishes the keys out of his coat’s deep pockets but his erratic breath spoils the act.
“Too slow again,” the black haired comments with a triumphant grin but Sehun only grumbles and combs through his chestnut hair strands with his fingers.
“You only won because I drank more than you,” he argues when they enter the small apartment they share. Sehun kicks off his shoes and slips out of his coat but he can hear Tao snort over the rustling of their clothes when they put their outer wear on hangers.
“You only drank more because you’re not as responsible as I am.”
“You’re a sore loser, Tao.”

They walk over into the living room and Tao slumps down on the couch. Sehun walks over into the open kitchen, putting down two glasses for them. He pours water before he walks back to the settee Tao keeps occupied, long limbs prepped on the beige piece of furniture.
“Am not, I won the race up the stairs or did you already repress the painful memory of your loss?”

For Sehun it feels like it has been this way for as long as he can remember. Ever since he and his roommate met each other in middle school it had been like that.
Tao transferred during the third week of their first year of middle school because of his father’s overseas posting that lasted until a couple of months after they had been accepted to college. Tao stayed even when his family left to return to China again, firmly convinced that he wanted to finish college in South Korea at least.

Growing up, they competed about everything: who would get the best grade on the test, who would grow to be the tallest (currently Tao has the edge over Sehun by a few centimeters), who could eat the most spicy food, who could spit cherry stones the farthest, who would get the most love letters during St. Valentine’s Day in their high school years - to only name a few.
Ever since they met, life for Sehun has turned into a wild race - a huge competition -and Tao is his archrival but more than that: his most loyal companion.
Today, they are living in a shared apartment only a couple of train stations from campus and their sense of rivalry hasn’t died down a single tad.

Sehun puts down the drinks for them and pushes down Tao’s legs that hit the coffee table with a loud thud that drowns out the soft whimper the Chinese man emits when his ankle crashes with the wooden surface.
“Rude!” he murmurs when he sits back up and grabs one of the glasses, emptying it in one shot. Sehun watches him unimpressed, seated on the place that had been occupied by Tao’s legs only a few seconds before.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, both dwelling on their own thoughts until Sehun gets his phone and starts to check his social media.
It’s only 1:40 AM, too early to go to bed on a Saturday night.
They are neither drunk nor tired enough to sleep yet.
“He’s kind of handsome,” he thinks aloud and catches Tao’s attention who leans over until his head is resting on his shoulder, granting him clear view of his best friend’s phone screen.
He scrunches up his nose in disapproval and scoffs at the face of a young man with blond hair, prominent eyebrows and sharp features.
“He’s not even your type,” he objects then and Sehun pouts but nods in agreement, swiping the stranger’s profile away.
They continue to swipe around and sigh in unison before the chestnut haired gives up and puts his phone away again.

“Why do you even bother with that right now? What about that friend of Chanyeol?”
Tao asks when they both are sitting next to each other again, this time Sehun lays his head on Tao’s shoulder and sighs defeated.
“I don’t know.”
“You even talked to him before we went home. Why didn’t you ask him for his number? He didn’t seem completely uninterested…”
They side-eye each other and Sehun clings to Tao’s arm with a happy grin.
“You think so?”
Tao scoffs but lets his friend use him as a pillow.
“Of course: You are tall, handsome and have a pretty face. You’re ambitious and pleasant to talk to. Who cares if you’re a couple of years younger than he is?”
Sehun feels warm inside listening to how his friend compliments him, delicately building up his confidence with every little word.
Alcohol makes Tao’s tongue heavier - he talks slower and calmer than usual.
His voice isn’t booming, nor spraying with energy and sass anymore. It’s a pleasant purr that whispers lazily against Sehun’s forehead, fanning his hair into weird shapes.

“I thought you were jealous because he’s so cute and attentive,” Sehun finds himself mumbling, only to hear a low rumble under his ear that is pressed to Tao’s neck when the boy next to him starts to chuckle lowly.
“Sehun, just because we have the same type doesn’t mean I don’t know when I can take chances and when I can’t. We’re not making boys to one of our competitions, remember?”
He sits up to look Sehun directly into the face who struggles with balance when the body he has leaned against gives in and moves all of a sudden.
“Besides, you wouldn’t stand a chance anyway,” the raven haired mocks grinningly.

And they’re at it again.

Sehun sits up in mere seconds, kneeling on the couch to be able to hover over his rival. He watches his friend with cold eyes - his hands crossed in front of his chest.
“You are so full of yourself, Mister Huang. But I don’t remember an instance that would justify this haughty behavior.”
Tao starts to laugh about the change of wording and gets up to kneel on the seat pad, too.

“Come on, Hunnie. We both know that I’m better at that-”
“That?” Sehun follows up with a sharp tongue.
Tao grins and motions his hand around them. He then starts to pat Sehun’s broad shoulders tenderly before his fingers find their way up and cup the younger’s face, caressing his cheeks and touching the tip of his nose feathery. Sehun grimaces and slaps the other’s hands in mock disgust.
“Keep your stupid hands off of me, man!”
He earns but a mere chuckle.
“You are so lovely when you’re angry and scream profanities. I’m sure the little one will be especially charmed by this side of you.”
“Fuck you!”
Tao starts to laugh again but finally picks up the previous topic: “You know, what I actually meant to say was: I’m better at kissing, the art of seduction, you name it.”
He sinks back into the pillows with a confident grin and Sehun feels the fire burning in his stomach - the rivalry is fueled wildly.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the better kisser!” he huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest, just like he did before.
Tao is fast to sit up again, face to face with his friend. His hand is already stretched out for the deal. “OK. Let’s make it an official competition then. If you’re not scared to loose, that is.”
Sehun grabs Tao’s hand before the Chinese man can say another word.
“I won’t lose and now call Jongin and ask him."
Tao snorts and shakes his head, “Don’t make me laugh. I won’t call your ex boyfriend and ask him if he still thinks you’re a good kisser. This is insensitive and impractical.”
Sehun lifts one of his eyebrows and answers back:
“It’s been 6 months and we’re friends now. I don’t think he’ll be mad but anyway, mind elaborating why it is so impractical?”

“It’s simple, really. The best kisser is easily able to judge who is equally as good, though this probably won’t happen. So no one knows better than me if a kiss is actually good.”

“You mean I know better than anyone else, since I am the best kisser you’ll find around.”

“I’ll let you think whatever you want as long as you still can. I don’t think you’ll last long but since I know you’re too stubborn to just give up… try me.”

Sehun stares at his best friend, a mixture of indignation and embarrassment filling his stomach. It has never been a big deal for them to show platonic affection and he knows they have crossed a lot of lines other friendships hold as taboos during the years but being dared to kiss Tao is something that last happened in high school when they played spin the bottle. Sehun, who used to be a silent boy had shrugged his shoulders and pecked his best friend’s cheek without batting an eyelash - accompanied by the excited screeches of the teenagers around.
This time however, it is Tao himself, who challenges him and that alone sets fire to the pits of his stomach. He isn’t going to back down and look like a loser in front of him!

Sehun raises an eyebrow and positions himself closer in front of his friend again, who is sitting cross-legged, shoulders relaxed but eyes still taunting him with an amused gleam.
The brunet grabs the Chinese’s chin and focuses on Tao’s lips that stretch into another grin, before they quiver when he laughs shortly.
The sound is swallowed by Sehun’s lips, as he rushes down, pressing his mouth angrily onto the others. He is tired of the mockery.

Sehun can feel Tao’s breath hitch, his whole body tensing under the pressure that models their lips together until he falls limp under the touch, the air he breathes out slowly through his nose fanning faintly over Sehun’s face. But before he can even think about detaching himself from him again or grin, the brunet is dragged down by heavy, hot hands. Tao’s fingers reach up, combing through his strands roughly, leaving trails of tingling excitement on his scalp. Suddenly Tao isn’t still anymore. His lips are moving against Sehun’s in an animated rhythm, smacking of something he can’t find words for. The spark tingles on his lips, wandering down his throat like hot liquid that burns in his lungs and sets every synapse in his body on fire. Before he can even realize it, Tao has taken over - he isn’t kissing him anymore - he is kissed by the latter.

Sehun presses his fists against Tao’s shoulders to detach him when he feels his ribcage rise in the desperate attempt to breathe. He can’t help but gasp, sucking in fresh air. His heart is hammering against his chest, trying to supply the last parts of his body with much needed oxygen. He feels kind of light headed now. Tao only chuckles.
“Already breathless?” he asks in a husky voice but Sehun can still hear the layer of mockery that tints the small words and the Chinese’s grin.
“I didn’t know you would try to asphyxiate me!”
Tao rolls his eyes at the accusation, the small grin not leaving his swollen lips. “Oh boohoo, too scared to admit that me kissing back already made it hard to breathe for you,” he mocks and Sehun tsks.

He watches his best friend, who fixes his dark hair and scratches his shoulder, hand sneaking under the strap of his tank top. Sehun notices that his friend isn’t as calm as he tries to appear which makes a feeling of satisfaction tug in his guts.
“You’re pretty excited yourself though…” Sehun grins when Tao’s eyes turn to slits on him and the other shakes his head as if he is trying to ape him.
“Oh please, you haven’t seen me excited yet. How about we step up the game though; your kiss was cute, but we both know this wasn’t the real deal,” he explains matter-of-factly and crosses his arms in front of his chest, raising an eyebrow at his Korean friend. Sehun can still feel the burning heat in his chest, the adrenaline and sense of rivalry flowing through his body, sending his heart into overdrive.
“If you want to kiss me again, you could just ask,” he snorts but Tao ignores the comment and just looks at Sehun expectantly.
“What?”
“Lay down.”
“What? Why?”
Tao sighs in fake-annoyance and snaps at the younger, pulling Sehun’s legs in his direction which sends him into a horizontal position. The raven-haired gets up from his seat and climbs over Sehun’s laying body to sit down at the edge of the couch again. The brunet still stares at him with a frown, body tensed.
“Just relax. Don’t you trust your best friend?”
Sehun scoffs again but closes his eyes and relaxes his muscles. He hasn’t even realized how rigid he has been until Tao calls him out for it. The elder is right though; there is nothing Sehun needs to be afraid of. They are best friends and he trusts Tao with his life. They are a little tipsy and determined to be the winner in their new competition, but this doesn’t really change their hearts.

Sehun feels the seat cushion under him dip in when Tao leans over his face. The other’s breath tickles on his skin, sweeping across his nose and chin until he can feel the hot air on his lips. He bites his lips in order to not groan in annoyance - he hates how the other plays him and his expectations and teases instead of doing anything. Tao’s low chuckle rings in his ears and sets his skin on fire. When he can feel the tip of a wet tongue fill in the curve of his lips Sehun snaps his eyes open but before he can see anything clearly Tao covers his eyes with one of his hands, sending him back into disorienting, dizzying darkness. His breath catches in his throat when he feels the tongue wander across his lips again. It is a slow, almost lazy movement but he can sense that it is taunting him. When he breathes out shakily Tao’s tongue swoops in like a puff of wind through a door, meeting Sehun’s own in the cavity of his mouth.

His tongue feels wet but soft and warm against his own and Sehun tries to bite back the excitement that rises in his chest, pressing back into the seat cushions he lies on. Tao’s warm hand still covers his eyes, the other’s nose poking into his left cheek when Tao angles his head to fit their mouths, their lips, their tongues even tighter together. It is almost as if he was a deep well or the sea with Tao diving in, testing his waters and drinking him whole.
Sehun can’t concentrate on the way their chapped, dry lips feel, pressed onto each other because the sensation of Tao’s tongue exploring the inside of his mouth curiously occupies his entire mind. He is overwhelmed, dizzy and disoriented but he - albeit grudgingly - has to admit that he enjoys the intense feeling of passion and excitement that scuds through his body. However, there is no way he would ever let Tao know about it.

*

Sehun sits at the kitchen counter when he can hear Tao’s tired, scuffed steps as he walks out of their bathroom with a loud yawn the next morning. He looks sleepy, his dark hair sticking into weird directions but Sehun knows full well how deceiving this adorable look is.
Tao is a beast before his morning coffee.
The brunet gets up from his seat and walks around the kitchen island to fetch a cup from one of the cupboards. He fills it with dark, steaming liquid that smells of tasty bitterness and sets it down in front of the Chinese without another word. He turns around again to grab a glass of water, which he puts down in front of his roommate too, as well as the headache pill.
Tao hisses at his opponents grin but still takes the medicine. Sehun watches him and decides to sit back down on his place next to the other when the latter takes the third sip from his coffee. It’s safe now.

Tao is still grumpy but he just presses his forehead against Sehun’s shoulder who reads the newspaper from an app on his smartphone. They sit in silence, the thud of Tao leaping off his chair sounding louder in their ears because of it. He gets up to pour another cup but only returns after fishing out something to eat from the fridge. Silence lulls around them again while an amused grin plays on Sehun’s lips. It has always amazed him how different people’s metabolic cycles could be. Just last night Tao has boasted about not drinking as much as he did, only to be beaten harder by the aftermath today.

“So, I thought about my prize”, the Chinese speaks up after he has finished his second cup of coffee and Sehun raises one of his eyebrows and looks up from his phone.
“Excuse me?” he asks calmly but dumbfounded, causing his best friend to roll his eyes.
“Well, obviously I kissed you better than you could kiss me last night and that means I won and I came up with my prize so-”
Sehun turns around on his chair to look Tao straight in the face, features scrunched up in displeasure.
“Who said you won?” he asks in a serious tone, effectively cutting Tao’s words off.
“Of course I won. You were about to melt into the couch when I let go of you,” Tao argues with an exasperated huff.
“I fell asleep,” Sehun lies without blinking once and Tao grumbles and runs his fingers through his hair in obvious frustration.
“Fine!” he bellows and hits his fist on the table but Sehun doesn’t flinch.
“I’ll show you. There are more ways to kiss you into oblivion than you think and I’ll prove that I am the best in all of them,” he announces through gritted teeth but Sehun just looks at him blankly.
“Sounds intriguing,” he smiles thinly and watches the Chinese walk off into his room seemingly unaffected but his insides are tingling.

Sehun lies on the couch, his feet dangling, still playing on his smartphone when he hears Tao stamping out of his room again about 30 minutes later. He looks up to the young man, who walks around the living area, with a bag slung around his shoulders - it’s the ugly excuse of a tote bag that he always uses to carry his books from the library in. The brunet watches the Chinese men put on his coat and shoes in the small hallway and makes his way over curiously.
“Are you going to the library?” he asks - even though he knows full well, casually leaning against the door frame. “Be a dear and fetch me a drink from Starbucks when you come back.”

Tao raises an eyebrow, hands pushed into the pockets of his coat. He rolls his eyes at the first question and grunts at the second before his mouth stretches into a grin.
“Only if you’re a good boy and behave,” he answers cheekily and Sehun laughs away the hot sensation that Tao’s words cause to bubble up in his lower body and shakes his head.
“I always behave,” he retorts matter-of-factly and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He hates the thought of letting Tao have the last word in this and it seems like it is mutual. His opponent only grins and shakes his head in amusement.
“Of course,” his words drip of irony when he takes a step into Sehun’s direction, grabs the back of the younger’s neck, pulls him closer and presses their lips together in a plain kiss.

Sehun begins to totter when Tao lets go of him and turns around to exit the flat.
“Later!”, he says, looking over his shoulder with another cheeky grin before he is gone, the door closing heavily behind him. Sehun supports himself at the door frame and he feels partly ashamed for being overwhelmed but Tao’s attack took him by surprise. It’s the first time he has been kissed goodbye and he can’t deny that it makes him feel special in some way but at the same time he realizes he’s at war now.
They are at war now and he won’t back down.

*

Sehun walks up the stairs to the main building on the campus with confidence in his posture a couple of days later. It doesn’t give away the turmoil that prevails behind his facade. He remembers how Tao grabbed his chin when he joined him at the breakfast table this morning, just to push their lips together in a sweet, yet kind of ardent kiss, announcing this being the best good morning kiss he would ever receive from anyone and should therefore feel blessed.
Inside of him the worry about the increasing advantage of the Chinese in their little competition raises, just to be pushed away by an idea that forms in the brunet’s head. He feels better instantly, finally having a plan to break down Tao’s reserve.

It doesn’t take him long to find his roommate in one of the student lounges, seated on a cushioned chair next to his two friends Wu Yifan and Luhan. He can make out that they chat in Chinese when he approaches. Luhan is the first who notices him, looking up from the laptop the tallest of them has parked on his long legs. He waves lazily at him, before he looks back at the screen. Sehun walks around the row of chairs and circles his arms around his roommate, effectively interrupting their conversation.
Yifan looks at him in confusion and Tao tries to brush off the arms that rest smoothly on his shoulders. The brunet laughs lowly, his breath tickling in the other’s neck enough to make goosebumps wander all across the Chinese’s skin. He makes a small sound of surprise when Sehun’s fingers let go of something and the weight of his keyring falls into his lap.
“Be careful to not forget your head someday, handsome,” he teases and lets go of Tao who blinks confusedly, eyes trained on the keys in his lap.
“You better get me a treat when you come home later,” Sehun announces as if it is the most natural thing to say, enjoying the play of emotions on the three faces in front of him. It’s time for his grand final when he bends down to peck his roommate’s cheek. It’s only a brief, soft touch but it comes as a bombshell.

Yifan’s and Luhan’s mouths fall open like in a comic book but Sehun plays off the raising embarrassment in his guts with a playful laugh.
“See you later, snookums,” he tries hard not to laugh about his own words when he leaves the lounge, leaving Tao and his gawking friends behind.

He is surprised to find a cup of his favorite bubble tea on the kitchen counter when he comes home from his dance practice a couple of hours later. He ruffles his hair and looks around but gives up his search and heads to take a shower, since his roommate is nowhere in sight and his tee sticks uncomfortably to his chest and back. Tao has probably left for his wushu class already.
Clad in a set of fresh clothes he sits down on the couch with his laptop and the bubble tea he has fetched from the kitchen counter. Sehun works there until he gets up to throw away the empty plastic cup around half past 6 in the evening. He stretches his muscles and grumbles lowly about the slight pain. Crouching on the couch to type on another report for one of his lectures always makes him tensed but he never learns from his mistakes anyway.
The click of their apartment’s door makes him look up and walk over to the hallway to welcome his Chinese roommate who has returned from his martial art training. Delight fills his features when he recognizes the plastic bags in Tao’s hands; groceries.
“Food!” the younger exclaims excitedly, making Tao scoff.
“First you sweet-talk me in front of my friends like there is no tomorrow and now all you care for is food. Man, you’re shallow,” he tries to sound hurt but Sehun tsks at him and takes the bags from him to carry them to the kitchen.

“Stop complaining. You were too smitten with my cute act to make a single move, so don’t go all tsundere on me now,” Sehun argues and Tao rolls his eyes, muttering otaku when he joins his best friend in the kitchen. Sehun grins and sits down on the edge of the worktop, watching the Chinese wash his hands and then some of the vegetables he just bought.
“Get off the counter and help me with dinner, dumbass.”
“Only if you massage my back later,”
“I’ll burn your serving and rub it into your bed sheet if you don’t get off the counter this second, Oh Sehun!”
Sehun grumbles but hops off the worktop anyway.
“Fine,” he gives in, realizing how tensed his friend’s posture is - he looks stressed.

Sehun looks at his fingers when he washes the rice to start the rice cooker and they’ve worked in silence for a couple of minutes.
“Did something happen? At college or during your training today?” he asks then, side-eyeing his friend. Tao sighs and puts down the salt cellar.
“Not really,” but Sehun can hear that it is a lie.

It takes him another hour and soft nudges to finally get his best friend to talk. It’s when they both lie on their couch after dinner, scrolling through one of Sehun’s social media apps.
“My condition in training was the worst. I made a lot of mistakes and couldn’t concentrate. It frustrated me but it was wrong to take it out on you. I’m sorry, Sehun.”
The chestnut-haired looks over to his friend, moving his head only slightly to see his face. He smiles mollified. “No harm done,” he says and winks playfully, causing Tao to laugh.
“Don’t you dare put up that cute act again. You might not be able to deal with the consequences!”
Sehun sits up and grins, one eyebrow raised.
“Oh is that so? What do you want to do? Squeal like a teenage girl about my cuteness? Eat me?”
He squishes his own cheeks with his fingers and starts to rub the soft skin like idols do on television to seem extra cute and childish. He dodges Tao’s hands, while the latter tries to make him stop, with a laugh until he’s suddenly caught.

His back is pressed against the backrest of their sofa, Tao’s hands closed around his wrists in a tight hold. He struggles and tries to break free with a laugh, but it quivers a bit when Tao scoots closer, still holding his hands in place.
“Maybe I will,” he purrs dangerously and Sehun feels waves of heat washing over him. He swallows thickly, feeling Tao’s eyes still trained on his face.
“I still didn’t get my revenge for this morning,” he announces threateningly and Sehun’s breath hitches when Tao shoots forward and he feels hot lips nipping at his neck and around the collar of his tank top. It feels like small bolts speed through every cell and bounce off his skin, just to grow hotter and more ardent in his guts, locked up in his body like there is no escape.

Sehun tries to push the other off of him, breath uneven when slight panic stirs up the already explosive cocktail of emotions that boil inside of his chest. This goes deeper than expected, deeper than he was prepared for. He can feel the other’s weight pressing him into the soft cushion of the backrest, warm, soft hands holding him into place while he feels his roommate planting kisses on his hot skin, drawing invisible patterns on it with his lips - patterns like secret runes of an ancient spell that makes his heart beat like he just ran a marathon and dries out his throat. The smell of Tao’s hair fills his nostrils and he feels intoxicated by the sweet, yet tangy odor, while the kisses prickle on his collar bone like shooting stars.

He doesn’t know how it happened but suddenly he feels the jet black strands between his fingers. He combs through them, releasing more of that wonderful fragrance. Sehun cranes his neck and a small mewl leaves his lips when suddenly the tingle stops. Tao stops like frozen on the spot but the chestnut haired can hear his equally uneven breath over the booming of his own heartbeat.
He holds his breath and his hand that was previously tangled in the black strands, falls limply onto his chest when Tao lets go of his shoulders and stumbles off the couch. His hair and clothes are in disarray and he avoids Sehun’s eyes (which the brunet is grateful for) when he leaves the room and locks the bathroom’s door behind him without another word.

The Korean man sits up slowly and runs a hand through his hair with a frustrated huff. His heart is still bouncing painfully hard against his ribcage and the dangerous mixture of emotions seeps into his brain, making everything even more complicated than it already was before when he realizes one thing: he didn’t want the other to stop. The surprise is tinted by anxiety when it hits Sehun but he wanted this. He hasn’t admitted it before but he has been waiting for Tao’s revenge, he has been eager to find out what the other would do, what he would be able to make the other do, even.

He rubs his eyes with another conflicted groan. He’s too old for curiosity to be accepted as a justification in front of himself - or anybody who knows him as well as Tao does. He knows that they’ve been there; talking about how they didn’t want to kiss girls, how they were curious about what french kisses felt like but too scared to try it with a person they actually liked.
He knows full well that it is different this time. It’s not about the things themselves - it’s personal. It’s about Tao and it’s about him and it scares him. It scares him that maybe, nothing will be how it used to be when this competition, this race - when this war is over.

~ * ~

Tao’s heart is still hammering against his ribcage when he stares at the reflection of his face in the mirror. He has known what he would get himself into before this all started and still he feels insecure, stripped of any control over what just has happened.
The memory of Sehun’s craned neck and the soft sound that left his plush lips makes his hair stand on end and he shakes his head to chase away the images in front of his inner eye. He takes a deep breath and looks up, his reflection staring back at him with a somewhat desperate expression. His hair sticks out in weird shapes and his scalp tingles, the memory of Sehun’s fingers massaging and drawing patterns on his head still present.

It’s not like he has chosen this. It just happened and he doesn’t even remember what kind of knee jerk reaction caused him to suggest this kind of competition. But now they are here and the jet black haired isn’t a person that gives up. He’s a person that it there to win, even though he isn’t sure if he’s ready to deal with the toll it might take this time.

He huffs one last time before he leaves the bathroom and walks back into the living room where his roommate is still sitting on the couch. Sehun looks up and their eyes meet in an awkward moment of silence before they both look different ways. This might be harder than expected. Tao looks at his phone and his features light up, when he remembers something Luhan asked him today - the perfect chance to get over the unexplainable atmosphere they just created.
“Hey, are you free this weekend? Luhan said there will be a home party at Junmyeon’s dormitory and they want to know if we’ll go, too,” he succeeds to sound casual and sits down next to the brunet again, just like nothing happened. He’s glad to realize that his behavior makes the other relax again, too and they end up with their heads touching lazily, like they always do - just like it should be between them.
Sehun accepts and Tao grins, sending out a message to the party’s host, notifying their attendance.
“I’m pretty sure Chanyeol and the cute guy from last time will be there again, too. This will be fun, don’t you think?” he adds and puts down his mobile phone, though the thought of the small, slightly older guy makes his stomach twist uncomfortably.

*

The uncomfortable sensation in his guts is back when they arrive at the party the Saturday afterwards. They don’t even make it to the impromptu bar, put together with different sized tables close to the kitchen door in the big common room, before he sees Sehun getting giddy with excitement next to him - he spotted Chanyeol and his friend. Tao tries to not glare at someone and nips at the drink one of the dorm members behind the bar has handed him. His mood is in the dumps but he tries to hide it.
He watches Sehun who talks happily with one of his friends from dance practice - a lean, handsome young man with a tan whose naturally elegant aura doesn’t even falter when he starts to laugh loudly about something Sehun has said.
It’s Jongin, Sehun’s ex boyfriend. Tao likes the boy and he relaxes when he still sees nothing but platonic affection gleam in Jongin’s eyes. He’s no threat anymore. They snicker and talk animatedly about something they tried during their last training session. Tao can’t help but smile about the sight, staying silent but close - almost like Sehun’s shadow.

The Chinese’s mood gradually lifts when they are seated around a coffee table with their friend Junmyeon, Luhan and another guy that recently moved into the dorm that goes by the name Jongdae and he realizes that they naturally keep distance to Chanyeol and his cute friend. It’s been a couple of hours now and they didn’t run into them once.
They are laughing when Junmyeon gets up and takes his and Jongdae’s empty cup. “I’ll go fill up,” he announces and Tao gets up as well when he realizes that his own cup is empty again, too.
“I’m with you,” he announces with a smile when Sehun next to him interrupts, reaching up to hand him his empty drink as well.
“Yo, get me a drink, too!”
Tao rolls his eyes. “You know, your laziness is damn unattractive!” he teases but still takes the cup. Sehun grins smugly and leans back on the sofa. “I love you, too,” he sasses with a laugh and air-kisses him with another playful wink. Luhan cackles but Tao keeps his cool, though he can’t deny that the urge to bend down and capture these naughty lips with his own is strong.
Instead he shakes his head and walks away with Junmyeon.

They wait for their refill next to the kitchen door when he looks up from his hands, which are buried in his pants’ pockets when he feels searching eyes on him.
It’s Junmyeon, who tilts his head.
Tao feels uneasy under this look - he always does because it is as if Junmyeon can look straight through his facade and plump lies. He rubs his arm, speaking up defensively “It’s just a competition. He thinks he’s a better kisser than I am and you know I can’t stand for this.” He hears his friend’s sigh and when he looks up, he sees that the Korean is shaking his head, a frown on his usually soft-featured face.
“But is it just that for you?”
Tao bites his lips when the words ring through his head. He looks at his hands again and around the common room that is filled with people. His eyes wander over to the seating area where Luhan and Sehun kid around, while newbie Jongdae watches them amusedly.
“Why do you always have to look straight through me?” he ruffles his hair frustrated but stops when he feels the blond’s hand comfortingly patting his back. Tao sighs again, this time not avoiding his friend’s eyes.
“I just… don’t want to think about the consequences yet,” he confesses in a whisper now before he takes his and Sehun’s refilled cups and walks back to their friends. He tries to ignore Junmyeon’s worried eyes that he can still feel trained on his back.

He looks around a bit confused when he arrives to an empty couch - Sehun nowhere to be seen. He sits down with Junmyeon again anyway and puts down the cup for his roommate, before he takes a sip from his own. Jongdae thanks Junmyeon for his new drink and they clink glasses for the sake of it.
“Wondering where your friend wandered off to?” Luhan perks up when Tao catches himself looking around the third time. He denies it but his friend ignores him and talks anyway.
“He just went to send off his dancer-friend, should be back any minute” And he is.
When Tao is about to take another swig of his drink, his roommate drops down on the seat next to him enthusiastically. His cheeks are painted in a faint adorable blush and his eyes sparkle in excitement.
“Chanyeol’s friend - Baekhyun - he talked to me and I got his number!” he explains giddily and Tao feels nausea well up in the pit of his stomach.

*

They walk home in silence a couple of hours later. It’s only past 1am but Tao feels like the party dragged on forever since his best friend started talking about his crush that has a name now: Baekhyun.
He feels exhausted and distressed but tries to not let show how beat down he is. He wouldn’t know how to explain without making things even more complicated than they already are. The tension between them rises with every silently passing minute and Tao can’t help the tired sigh that drags itself across his lips when they enter the elevator in the apartment complex. Sehun watches him, he feels his best friend’s stare on his side but no word is spoken.
They enter their apartment that awaits them, sleepily bathed in the light that reaches through the windows from the illuminated streets outside.
The Chinese still feels heavy and sick in his stomach but he’s ready to bear it - he just wants to go and hide under his covers as soon as possible; hoping that when sleep fills his body it will chase away the heaviness, so that it is easier to listen to Sehun’s excited words with a convincing smile again.

He kicks off his shoes and takes off his coat silently, ready to walk across the lounge and into his room with nothing but a low Good Night, when he feels Sehun’s hand grasping his wrist. He stops and looks back to find his best friend looking at him with a worried frown on his features.
“What’s wrong?”
Tao’s heart only sinks further into his pants.
He tries to play it off with a hoarse laugh.
“I’m just tired,” but this time Sehun doesn’t comply with his obvious lie. He doesn’t let go of Tao’s wrist and sighs, before he looks up at his best friend again with sad eyes.
“Is it because of Baekhyun?”
Bingo! Tao shakes his head numbly.
“What makes you think that?” his voice squeaks weakly when everything he wants is to sound calm and collected.
Sehun shakes his head and Tao can see that it takes his everything to not roll his beautiful eyes at the bullshit he has just given him.
Tao feels Sehun pull at his wrist tenderly, leading him to the couch where they sit down. It’s still dark around them because they haven’t turned on any lights and he can feel the warm grasp of the Korean’s fingers - he hasn’t let go yet and Tao senses that he probably won’t do so in the near future. A necessary precaution, Tao thinks, because he would indeed just get up and run away if he could.

They sit in silence for a while, Tao’s eyes wandering across the room to find something to occupy him with. He has traced the shape of every appliance on the kitchen counter he could make out from their location already, but the heavy silence that weighs on their shoulders like a blanket of concrete can’t be fully ignored.
He finally looks back at his best friend when he hears the other sigh.
“You know, when you encouraged me and said all these nice things the last time, I believed it. I still didn’t have the guts to actually talk to him but when he approached me… I was so nervous I thought I would embarrass myself with just breathing - but then I thought of what you said and it helped.”
Tao listens silently and nods his head, though the numbness in his guts is mixed up with yet another set of feelings when the words of his friend sink into his mind.
He feels remorse for being selfish but he’s also moved and heck, will he ever be able to shake that chunk of adoration for the brunet off his mind ever again?

Sehun slowly lets go of his wrist when he feels that it is safe to do so. Tao doesn’t have it in him to disappoint his best friend yet again and simply lies down next to his Korean roommate; head nestled into the cushion next to Sehun’s thigh.
“I still don’t know if he’s actually interested or just wants to hang out… or if it was out of pity. I don’t know if we even get along character-wise but now I feel bad for even trying because you look so sad ever since I told you."
Tao’s stomach does back flips - the bad kind - and he can’t meet the other’s eyes that look down at him now.
“I’m sorry,” is all he can bring himself to say and he glances over to see Sehun shake his head softly at him once again.
“You’re an idiot, you know.” Tao knows but he doesn’t reply.
“You’re my best friend! Even if I end up dating I won’t just disappear out of your life. I will still be your roommate, your best friend, Tao. That didn’t stop when I met Jongin and that won’t stop with any other guy, alright? Please don’t be jealous - just trust me, OK?”
Tao feels like his heart is dropped into buckets of ice cold water whenever he hears these two bitter sweet words - Best Friend - but all he can do is nod and nod again and smile a thin smile.
“I’m sorry.” he repeats but Sehun just laughs at him.
“It’s fine. Just don’t look at me like a kicked puppy again, OK?” he bends down and pecks his lips, leaving Tao blinking in astonishment.
This is not what he expected.
The sensation is short but sweet. Their mouths don’t fit over each other perfectly because of the different angles but for the Chinese it doesn’t matter.

Sehun, realizing what happened, starts to blush and Tao thinks that he looks beautiful, though the hue of pink is only faintly visible in the darkness that still engulfs them.
“I just thought… you know. Since we made up and… you still didn’t admit that I’m a better kisser, it was time to remind you,” Sehun’s voice quivers softly at first before it grows stronger and priggish again and Tao loves every sound of it, so he doesn’t bite back but just grins at his friend.
“I will take this as confirmation that you can’t get enough of me.”
Sehun raises one of his eyebrows at this remark but it doesn’t impress Tao, who slowly sits up next to his friend again and circles his arm around the other’s shoulders.
“We should probably get this settled once and for all before you go out with someone. Might be hard to explain why you suck your roommate’s tongue for stress relief.”
“You wish,” Sehun glares at him but Tao bathes in it with an arrogant smile.
He grabs Sehun’s collar and pulls him closer, clashing their lips together in a heated kiss. He snaps at Sehun’s bottom lip, breathing in every hitched breath and vibration that speeds through the younger’s body. They are back at it; back in their element, back at doing things they probably shouldn’t do, back at lying to themselves about it - but he loves it. He doesn’t want to stop.
“Don’t think I couldn’t make you beg for it, Oh Sehun.”

~ * ~

“Are you sure you packed everything?”
Sehun asks while his eyes rest on his reflection in the mirror in front of him.
He can hear Tao in the hallway, carrying his luggage to their living room. “It’s not like I move out or anything. Don’t stress about this too much,” he hears the Chinese reply and he can imagine how he rolls his eyes at Sehun’s worry. He has been asking about this and checked the content of the other’s suitcase at least three times since last night.
“I get that you’ll miss me, Hunnie. But I’m just at my parent’s place for two weeks - it’s not the end of the world and if you miss me too much you can facetime me whenever.”
Tao’s voice reaches his ears through the bathroom door and it consoles Sehun, though he knows that the other tries to mock him.

It’s been a week since their fight and the brunet feels like they have come to a state of stagnation in their competition. A weird state where they don’t push and pull anymore - it’s like they made a wordless agreement but he doesn’t know what they agreed on.
When Tao engulfs Sehun in a back hug and presses his hot lips to his neck, it doesn’t feel like they are at war anymore. He feels the fire and the adrenaline but it’s adulterated with something else, something soothing that puts out the flames until only comforting warmth is left. It calms the adrenaline and makes it resonate as a soft rhythm under his skin.His cheeks tingle whenever Tao presses his lips onto them before he leaves the house and he finds himself waiting for the other to come home after a long day. Tao’s face is scrunched up and he stretches with a tired sigh but the sound of discomfort transforms into a warm purr when Sehun greets him and they kiss lazily in the dark hallway.
The brunet complains about the slight pain in his back every time the Chinese pushes him against the heavy apartment door but secretly he doesn’t mind.
He doesn’t even know if he’s still interested in winning but who really knows if it’s still about that anyway? It’s a weird form of stagnation but Sehun likes it.

Sehun looks up from his reflection, pulled out of his train of thoughts when he hears steps outside the bathroom and Tao’s mocking voice: “We need to hit the road or we’ll be late for the luggage check-in. Get your pretty ass out of the bath, Hunnie!”
He rolls his eyes dramatically when he opens the door, a last side-glance resting on the soft mark on his collar bone. He adjusts his tee, hiding the lavender spot that is close to fade into his usually pale complexion and ruffles his hair.
Tao raises one of his eyebrows. “Unhappy with the love bite?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. If I was you I’d be the unhappy one. This love bite is bad enough to fade after two days already. But I’m not surprised; even when your performance was generally above average I knew that you would suck at something.”
“Preferably your ears or neck.”
Sehun feels hot embarrassment well up in his stomach but he tsks at his friend’s pun and walks past the grinning Chinese, who follows shortly after him when they leave their shared apartment.

Maybe it is because it doesn’t feel like it anymore, that they feel the need to remind each other of their competition whenever they get the chance.

Sehun’s hair stand at end when he feels Tao’s hot breath on his lips, his back pressed against the concrete wall of the small staircase that connects the airport and the car park they have parked in. Tao’s heavy suitcase and carry-on baggage is abandoned hastily when Sehun throws his arms around the Chinese’s neck. He is diving into the unexpected touch just like his opponent does. No questions are asked, no words spoil what fragilely unfolds inside of them when they kiss and bite down tenderly on lips and tongues.

“Don’t miss me too much,” he hears Tao’s velvety voice lowly in his ears but he can’t move, paralyzed by the sweetly prickling pain that flourishes where the raven-haired has left another mark. His best friend winks cheekily at him and hands over the carry-on luggage when Sehun has finally awoken from his stupor.
He takes hold of his suitcase and motions for the heavy door above the flight of stairs they still need to climb.
“Let’s go, or I will actually miss my flight,” he laughs and turns around to take the lead.
Sehun nods but it’s hard to look into his best friend’s face now. Tao looks happy, the faint pink hue looking healthy on his face and far less obvious than on his own features.

They check-in his luggage and grab a bite to eat before the raven-haired has to leave for boarding. Sehun feels the other’s warm fingers caress his face when they say their goodbye.
“Try not to burn down the kitchen while I’m gone, OK?”
They both laugh and Sehun hugs Tao, pressing his head to the other’s chest before they have to part, one of them disappearing behind a glass barrier with a small smile on his face when he looks over his shoulder one last time.

It’s weird; their state of stagnation, but Sehun thinks that he might like to keep it like that a little longer.

*

“You should have seen that!”
Sehun smiles at the small screen in his hands. He can hear the excited voice of his best friend through his headphones and he likes how they make it sound like he’s even closer.
“Well, you didn’t take me with you, did you?”, he replies with a grin and leans against the corner of the bubble tea shop he is standing in front of.
“Don’t act like I left you for death in Korea. My parents would have loved to see you again but you wanted to go on that date instead.”
It gets silent between them for a few seconds, their amused faces falling until they’re both biting their lips and watch their surroundings respectively.
“I was just joking. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun today. Don’t forget to call me and tell me how it went later,” Tao tries to console Sehun and he can’t express how grateful he is for what he just said.
They have talked about it, but Sehun still feels bad. He can’t shake the feeling of betraying his best friend and it angers and frustrates him because this is not how things should work. He sees Tao looking up from his place on the small screen. He watches the raven-haired take off his headphones and with them his voice disappears for a few seconds.
“Sorry, I have to go. We’ll grab some dinner at my grandparent's today” he hears the Chinese announce and shortly afterwards they end the video call.

Tao has been in China for five days already and Sehun would be lying if he said he didn’t feel like something was missing. It makes his head hurt when he ponders too much about what it could be and he ends up frustratingly screaming profanities into his pillow more often than he wants to admit.
It’s almost as if the stress around him clings heavier to him when Tao is not there for their little game. Between all the things they say to each other but never really mean, Tao mocking him about their competition being great stress relief must have been verity between all the funny lies.

Sehun finds himself agreeing to meeting Baekhyun without any hesitation or insecurity on the third day and now he’s here, waiting for his date.
He watches the people around him, waiting for their order or just passing the store on their shopping spree. Usually, when Tao and he stop by the store, he digs deep into his bag of tricks to make his best friend buy his favorite drink for him. Tao would look at him with an annoyed expression on his face but Sehun knows that he actually doesn’t mind his nagging. He buries his hands deeper in the pockets of his jeans and screws up his face when the urge to yawn overtakes.

“Oh, hi Sehun. What are you doing here?”
When he looks up again he is greeted with Junmyeon’s smiling face.
The elder takes another couple of steps until they are standing right in front of each other and he can greet the taller brunet properly.
“I haven’t seen you since the party. How are you doing?”
Sehun smiles at the young man in front of him. He seems to be in a good mood and carries a paper bag from one of the jewelry stores close by.
“Oh, I’m fine. A lot less to clean with just one person in the house but it sucks when you have to do it all on your own…”
They laugh before he returns the question and continues to ask what Junmyeon is doing in the shopping mall.

The dark brunet smiles shyly and motions to the paper bag in his hand.
“Just a bit of shopping. You know, Jongdae’s birthday is coming up and so I thought I would check out some stuff. I also got my watch repaired after Luhan dropped it into the sink a week ago.” He sounds annoyed at the memory, angry lines forming on his forehead before the genuine smile returns to his features.
“Ah, Jongdae. It’s the new guy in your dormitory, right? The one you’ve been all over at the party,” Sehun remembers, causing Junmyeon to splutter in embarrassment.
“I just wanted to make sure that he’d be alright. He didn’t know a lot of people back then but thank you for reminding me of my overbearing tendencies. Clearly Luhan’s constant mockery wasn’t enough,” he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, causing Sehun to raise his hands, trying to calm the small fuming man in front of him.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to embarrass or anger you. It’s really nice of you to care for him like that. Don’t put too much thought into Luhan. He’s probably just jealous that no one cares about him like that.” They agree silently, before Junmyeon looks up again.
“Anyway, you didn’t tell me what you’re up to around here yet. Doing some window-shopping?”
Sehun smiles thinly before he shakes his head no.
“I’m actually waiting for someone. It’s kind of a date,” he tries to sound casual but Junmyeon’s intense look makes him insecure.
“What about Tao?”
Sehun blinks but Junmyeon reacts fast, adding a “Did you settle your competition before he went to China?” to it, but something about it seems odd.
“Not really,” he admits, deciding to not go into detail because he wouldn’t know how to explain this to anyone - including himself.
“But he said he’s OK with it. We’re best friends and this is just one of our games after all,” he adds lamely in an attempt to pacify his friend when he feels Junmyeon’s glare intensifying.
The small young man in front of him begins to tremble, his hands grabbing the paper bag hard enough to make the material squeak between his fingers and then, something happens that Sehun has never experienced before; Junmyeon explodes.

“How can you possibly be this stupid?!”
His voice booms like a firework and Sehun is too shocked about the fury stricken face of his friend to even react. He has never seen the other in such a rage.
“Either you’re just really blind, stupid, or a cold hearted bastard and I don’t know which idea I hate the most out of these possibilities,” he seethes with anger, but his voice is painted with some kind of sadness in its very core.
“I’m sick and tired of it! Tired of your stupid pride and your stupid games; both of you! Don’t you get tired of the cat-and-mouse game, Sehun?”
Junmyeon’s voice dies down gradually, but he still sounds upset and the desperation has distorted his soft features.
“How many times can you kiss someone and act like it was nothing afterwards? How many times can you reach out to someone and tell yourself it wasn’t because you wanted to be held close by no other but them?”
He sighs, sounding incredibly tired all of a sudden; the flames of anger have died down and leave nothing but bleak ashes behind.
“I’ve known you two since you were teenagers and I always wanted to believe that you were good for each other. I didn’t mind your games, your competitions, your annoying pride and how both of you were no better than the other when it came to it. But you’re old enough now to realize when it is time to stop, Sehun.
If it’s just a game for you, stop. Let him win, just this one time because,” he ruffles his hair with a frustrated huff and looks at Sehun with worried eyes.
“You’ll hurt him if you don’t. You’ll break his heart, Sehun. And it will break the two of you because Tao has stopped playing games a long time ago.”

Sehun doesn’t react when Junmyeon tenderly pats his arm and apologizes for screaming at him. He recognizes the words and sounds around him faintly but it all seems in a blur, like he is cloaked in a veil of thick mist that drowns out everything around him.
Junmyeon’s words have hit him deeper than Sehun ever wants to admit and in his chest, where a bubbly mixture of feelings used to be that he couldn’t really explain, a mixture that he could only bear and enjoy, grows something heavy with fear and insecurity. It grows and grows like a shadow during sunset and suddenly Sehun finds it hard to breathe because it is pressing on his lunges, chasing out all the air and knotting his throat. He doesn’t know a word for it, but he’s scared. He’s scared and vulnerable and confused.

Sehun reaches for his phone numbly, ready to cancel on Baekhyun as long as he still can - fearing he might not be able to act like an actual person around the elder in his current state, when said boy steps into his field of vision. It’s already too late to run.

*

They walk around the mall and Sehun tries to listen attentively to all the things Baekhyun has to say. The brunet talks a lot, even more than Tao and a part of Sehun thinks that it is adorable, but the other, more prominent one has trouble keeping track of most of the things the elder says. He can’t focus. Whenever Sehun thinks about his best friend - Tao and Baekhyun have quite a lot in common so it happens often - the dull pain of remorse shoots through his rib cage and he feels the bitter taste of betrayal in his mouth.
They share dinner in a small restaurant, close to the apartment complex Sehun lives in but he has no appetite. He can’t help but sigh when they leave the premise, but this time it is louder than the occasional huffs before, interrupting Baekhyun who looks up at Sehun with a frown. The pretty brunet boy crosses his arms in front of his chest and watches Sehun’s face closely.
“Sehun… you don’t seem to be yourself tonight. Is everything alright?”
He tries to avoid the inquiring look and shakes his head.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry…”
He can sense that Baekhyun doesn’t believe him but the boy doesn’t press on it and Sehun is grateful for it.

After another walk around the block they sit down on a bench in a park close by and Sehun is once again shaken off his train of thoughts when Baekhyun intertwines their fingers on his lap. He bats his eyelashes at Sehun when the latter looks down questioningly but it just causes Sehun to blink once more. He can read the signals that the other sends him - how he bites his lips and squeezes his fingers but his head is empty. He looks up and around the park that is bathed in twilight, wondering if he ever saw Tao act this shy around him. No he didn’t. Tao’s not shy and they both know it. If Tao wanted something he would simply take or ask for it without beating around the bush for too long. Sehun feels how the corners of his mouth edge up in an absentmindedly smile.
If he was sitting here with Tao, the other would wrap his arms around his shoulders like it was the most natural thing. He wouldn’t bat his eyelashes or purse his lips - no - he would pull him closer into his warmth and nip playfully at the bridge of Sehun’s nose to make him laugh, just to drink this sound right from his lips, kissing him.
The warm, bubbly feeling that has set in Sehun’s stomach is washed away when reality hits him and he feels a pair of lips on his cheek.

It’s just for a short moment but before he even realizes what he’s doing Sehun has whirled around, his hand shielding his cheek like he was just slapped instead. He has broken away from Baekhyun and is staring at the smaller brunet, eyes wide in bewilderment.
“Oh… eh,” the elder stammers, pale from shock and embarrassment.
“I… I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I thought you were interested but you were not exactly my type but I wanted to give you a chance and- wow, when I try to explain it it sounds even more pathetic. I mean why would you peck a guy’s cheek if you don’t even like him,” he ruffles his hair, even more embarrassment flooding the smaller boy’s system but Sehun doesn’t know what to say.
“OK, maybe I thought you were kind of cute and then Chanyeol told me you seemed interested so I thought ‘why not?’ but it turns out you were not and I just made this really awkward for both of us.”

Baekhyun looks to the ground with a sad huff, when Sehun finally gets himself to say something again. He stretches out his arm and pats the elder’s head comfortingly.
“It’s not your fault, Baekhyun. I’m not mad at you for trying to kiss me,” he sighs and looks at his feet.
“Actually, I thought you were pretty cute too. It’s just that…”
He can see Baekhyun sitting down on the bench next to him again out of the corner of his eyes. The boy looks at him with a curious expression on his face.
“You realized you like someone else already?”
He starts to laugh when Sehun looks at him in shock, stammering bashfully.
“It was pretty obvious that you didn’t listen to anything I said the past two hours… that person must be really lucky,” he adds, making Sehun blush. He doesn’t want to say anything. He’s scared that someone he barely knows reads him better than he can read himself sometimes.

He hears Baekhyun sigh after they have sat in silence for a while. It’s not as awkward anymore.
“I’ll get going then. Maybe we can hang out the next time. Just as friends, of course,” he smiles but Sehun still has the urge to apologize.
When he does, it only causes the elder to laugh at him and shake his head.
“Don’t apologize! You can’t help your feelings and it’s not like I was head over heels for you,” he rolls his eyes but his smile is still genuine.
“Just promise me to tell that person, OK?”

*

Tao is still wearing shirt, tie and vest when he appears on Sehun’s computer screen. He looks fantastic and Sehun is overpowered by all the emotions that suddenly descend upon him. There is a storm inside his head, making his throat feel impossibly dry which causes his voice to act up when he greets the other. He watches the Chinese sit down at his desk, leisurely loosening the tie around his neck. He furrows his brows when he takes a closer look through the camera.
“You look really tired. You know, it would have been fine to call me tomorrow or something…”
Sehun bites his lips and shakes his head. He sits up and circles his arms around a big pillow that he hugs like a small child. He feels embarrassed now but he couldn’t wait to see Tao’s face when he returned home. Junmyeon’s and Baekhyun’s words echo in his head but he just can’t say anything. It’s still too much, too sudden. He needs to sort out his thoughts first - now that he can’t ignore or run away from it any longer. When he says something it becomes real and Sehun is scared what will happen to them then.

“You said you’d be busy the second week and that we probably couldn’t video chat then. Besides, you told me I could call you, whenever…” he murmurs defensively and starts to sulk.
Tao laughs at him, but there is no mockery in his voice.
He drives his hand through his hair and rests on the desk in front of him.
“I get it. You miss me,” he grins, acting smug but when Sehun looks closely he can see the warm spark in his best friend’s eyes and it makes his heart beat a lot faster in his chest.

“So, do you want to talk about your date?”, he hears Tao’s voice after they sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Sehun feels sick in his stomach when the image of a trembling, angry Junmyeon appears in the back of his head.
“There is not much to say, really. We walked around the mall and talked. We also had dinner at the Vietnamese place close by. The one you don’t like - it’s really not that good. But what can I say… we didn’t click,” he shrugs his shoulders and watches Tao who knits his eyebrow in discomfort before he relaxes again and clicks his tongue.
“Well, I guess you can’t blame people for their bad taste,” he pauses - ready to comfort his friend but there is surprise evident in his face when Sehun laughs and waves at the screen dismissively. He’s not sad and as much as it confuses Tao, it puts him at ease.

“You’re not sad..?”
Sehun shakes his head with a coy smile.
“I guess my crush wasn’t as serious as I convinced myself it was…” he tries to sound casual but he can see that Tao is still eyeing him skeptically from the other side of the screen.
“You know, it’s like eating sweets when you’re hungry, until you suddenly realize that what actually satisfies your hunger is something different,” his heart starts to hammer against his rib cage and he hugs the huge pillow in his embrace closer, hiding his pink cheeks behind it. He told himself he wouldn’t say anything before he has sorted the chaos in his head but somehow he can’t stop the words from coming.
“And then you look closely and realize that what you need to still your hunger was there for a long time but you just didn’t see it because you mistook hunger for mere appetite and thought sweets would be enough.”

It’s silent between them and Sehun doesn’t dare to look into Tao’s face until he hears the other laugh. He blinks at the screen and watches the jet black haired, who has thrown his head back in happy laughter. He chuckles and his eyes spray with adoration when he looks back through the camera.
“I can’t believe I had to go to China for this to happen,” he whispers happily and shakes his head. His tone of voice is warm and soft like velvet.
“I’m happy that you called me, Sehun and… I miss you too. I can’t wait to come back home...”
Sehun can’t wait either.

~ * ~

His fingers feel equally numb and prickling with excitement when they catch sight of each other. The raven-haired is still standing in a queue to leave the arrival gate but he can already see the chestnut thatch of hair - he would recognize it everywhere.
He feels a little tired from the flight and his luggage is heavy from all the small things he couldn’t reject when his relatives brought them. When he sees Sehun waiting for him outside the gate however, all his tiredness is forgotten. Suddenly he feels weirdly anxious. One part of him wants to throw off his luggage and run over to his roommate to hug him and hold him close but there is another part of him that carries a feeling, heavy and cold like a stone in his stomach - fear, uncertainty.
What will happen to them now? They can’t go back to where they were before and Tao doesn’t want to go back - he wants what lies in front of them but was never spoken about and remained unseen for so long because of it. He doesn’t want to be the only one with this hunger anymore, doesn’t want to watch Sehun grasping for sweets, when he could have him.
He’s still not sure if this is what Sehun wants, though.

He feels like he’s walking on eggshells when he finally makes his way over to where his roommate waits for him. They smile at each other and Sehun throws his arms around Tao’s shoulders, who stumbles back in surprise. He hasn’t expected such a strong reaction but he likes how it makes his inside tingle. He lets his bag slip down on the floor to sling his arms around the younger’s body. He can’t help but buries his nose in the crook of Sehun’s neck, inhaling the other’s scent.
“Welcome home,” he hears the other’s sweet words whispered into his neck, causing Tao to tighten his arms around the other fondly.

They talk about Tao’s time in China and what to eat for dinner later on the way to their apartment. It’s comfortable but they both know that they can’t play that game of cat-and-mouse forever. It’s when they park in the underground parking and Sehun inhales and exhales deeply that they know that the game is over.
Sehun looks at his fingers that he has folded in his lap while Tao adjusts the rearview mirror. They don’t know where to start before the tension between them gets too stiff to say anything at all.

They both make a sound - wanting to say something - only to interrupt each other bashfully and fall back into shy silence.
“When you suggested this competition… did you know it would end up like that?”
Sehun finally breaks the silence but his softly spoken words hang heavily between them, when Tao tries hard to think of the right words to say. He stammers and clears his throat a couple of times before he shakes his head timidly.
“No, I didn’t… but I hoped it would,” he adds truthfully, voice rough from keeping quiet for so long.
Sehun side-eyes him and bites his lips, letting the words of his roommate sink in.
“You hoped? Does that mean… even before?”
He’s angry at himself because he’s too nervous to even form full sentences; too nervous and embarrassed to just voice what they both know. Tao nods again and he looks over to his roommate with a smug grin that slowly forms on his face.
“Of course. Or did you really think your lousy kisses made me fall in love with you?”
Sehun is flustered; after all, his best friend just confessed to be in love with him - though the way he has done it isn’t exactly a storybook confession - but at the same time he can’t keep himself from making a sound of disapproval.

“Lousy?” The atmosphere changes suddenly and they are both grateful for it“Did I hurt your feelings?” Tao coos with a tint of mock in his voice while hopping out of the car. He grins at Sehun, who gets off the vehicle on the other side before they meet again at the back of the car to get Tao’s suitcase. Sehun’s eyebrows are raised in annoyance but he approaches his best friend calmly, softly patting his shoulder.
“Yes, you hurt my feelings,” he confesses then with a slight whine, “You shouldn’t do that if you actually want me to be your boyfriend. It’s not nice.”

Tao’s heart is hammering so hard in his rib cage, he is afraid it could jump out any second. His blood is rushing through his body in overdrive and it takes his everything to not squeal like a small child or start to cry. This is like a dream, he thinks when Sehun tiptoes and his soft lips collide with his nose first, before the brunet can fit their lips together in a small kiss, that makes the Chinese embrace his friend tenderly.

“Does that mean I won?” he can’t help but ask cheekily when they arrive at their apartment, their hands intertwined, and hearts beating fast. Sehun grumbles but Tao loves that small snappy sound the brunet makes when he’s annoyed.
“No, this only means I like you a lot, dumbass. You don’t win this competition just because I’m your boyfriend now. Who said I fell in love with you because of your lousy kisses?”
Tao laughs.
“OK. I guess, I deserved this comeback.”
Sehun agrees and lets go of the other’s hand to take off his shoes and jacket. Tao watches him. His chest is brimming with happiness and the feeling grows bigger and more affectionate the longer he lays eyes on the beautiful young man that undresses in front of him. He likes how the younger’s shoulder fold in elegantly and the coat slides down his arms, revealing the other’s tee clad back. Growing up as his best friend, Tao sees the goofy, joyful boy that Sehun is, his sass and also his insecurities and all the things he thinks about in his pretty head, but it’s only now that he finally allows himself to fully see how attractive he is - how beautiful.

He can feel Sehun jerk in surprise when he pulls him into a tight embrace, folding his hands on the younger’s tummy and pressing the latter’s back into his own chest. He has missed feeling this close to the other, to breathe in the intoxicating odor that is Sehun’s and Sehun’s only, to hear the other’s breath and feeling the other’s heart beat under his hand when he slides it up to rest on the brunet’s chest.
He feels Sehun melt into his touch when he presses his lips onto his neck with a soft sound and Tao can’t deny that it does things to him. Tao feels warm and he likes the way Sehun reacts with a coy smile and a soft sound whenever his lips touch the brunet’s skin. It is as if Sehun lets him see a new, different side of him. He always knew that the brunet was soft under his sassy facade but now that they both know about their feelings; it feels new and different once again.

Sehun clasps Tao’s searching hands when they reach the hem of his t-shirt, causing the raven-haired to stop. The Korean turns around in the embrace with tinted cheeks and a coy smile that Tao can’t read completely.
“Don’t think you can convince me to let you win just like that,” he warns but it only causes the other to grin.
“Oh, I beg to differ. I will gladly prove to you how much I deserve to win,” he cups the younger’s face with his hands, caressing his cheeks tenderly.
“I can make you see stars if you only let me,” he purrs before he seals their lips with a kiss that takes Sehun’s breath away.
He feels the other pressing his hands against his chest when they break apart - out of breath - but Sehun isn’t ready to back down yet: “You are a lot of big talk, Tao. But pretty words won’t make you win this.”

Tao feels the brunet grin into their kiss when he presses him against the wall of the hallway. He was able to pull his roommate through the living room but feeling Sehun kiss his fingers pushed one of his buttons. He can feel how the Korean heaves another breath, pushing their foreheads together, hot fingers holding onto his neck, pulling his hair, grasping for closeness. He has never seen Sehun this agitated, chest rising and falling excitedly in the same rhythm with his own breath. Hooded eyes look up at him with an intensity that leaves no room for pretty words, only for action.
The sheets on his bed feel cold under his heated fingers when they sit down at the edge of it and Tao pauses to pull his t-shirt over his head. Sehun mimics him without hesitation and their mouths find each other again in seconds.
Tao feels like his veins are lava flows instead when Sehun sucks on his tongue and he feels the younger’s naked skin under his fingertips. Their kisses get hungrier every time and Tao doesn’t mind when their teeth clash in an open mouthed kiss. His fingers draw patterns on the other’s overheated skin and he hears Sehun whine in slight discomfort when he pushes him onto his back.
“Cold,” he murmurs softly but Tao bites his tongue and only grins and continues exploring delicate skin with the tips of his fingers. He likes the sensation of Sehun shuddering and jerking when he finds his ticklish as well as his sensitive spots.

He pecks Sehun’s neck, nibbles on a spot he especially likes until the skin grows red and bruised. He can hear Sehun breathing into his ear excitedly and Tao’s thoughts run wild. He remembers how he forced himself off the other when this happened the first time but the bitter taste of the memory is replaced by the sweet flavor of Sehun’s lips when the latter kisses his lips and the tip of his nose. He looks down to see confused eyes looking up at him, asking why he stopped without needing a single word. It’s the warm glow in Sehun’s eyes that brings Tao back to reality and makes him realize that he doesn’t need to force them apart anymore. This is everything he ever wanted.

He plants kisses all over Sehun’s neck, collarbone and upper body, transforming the boy’s small laughs into deep sighs that make Tao’s skin prickle in excitement. He enjoys how comfortable the brunet seems, stretching out under him with a shy smile and rosy cheeks. Tao watches Sehun squirm a bit when he fumbles around with the zipper of Sehun’s jeans. He senses the nervousness he has provoked but tries to not get infected by it himself. He smiles more than he grins spreading a hand full of kisses on Sehun’s stomach while he pulls down the trousers and takes the younger’s underwear with it, pulling it down low enough to reveal Sehun’s erection.
Tao’s forehead collides with the chest of his boyfriend when the younger sits up suddenly. He makes a sound of embarrassment and looks down at Tao with wide eyes.#
“Are you nervous?” He tries to ask tenderly, because this time he doesn’t want to provoke Sehun but just a honest answer.
The brunet shakes his head no but still refuses to look down at Tao again who continues to kiss Sehun’s stomach and hip from which he has pulled the cloth off at least a couple of centimeters.
“Good, because you don’t need to be,” he whispers against warm skin, provoking another hasty sigh. He decides to go with the blatant lie that the other’s head shake was and play their game a little further. This isn’t the first time he deals with Sehun’s pride after all.

Sehun’s fingers sink into his dark hair, combing through his strands and massaging his scalp when Tao’s lips wander lower and he starts kissing the tip of Sehun’s penis, before he engulfs it. Sehun whimpers and Tao watches him press his eye shut, face distorted in pleasure. He can’t wait to break down every little piece of restrain and pride that is left in the younger’s body. This is his game now.

Sehun hisses and his hip bucks up, out of control, when Tao swirls his tongue around his hard-on, continuing to please him with his mouth.
Tao can feel how the younger grows impatient under his touch, his kisses and the tricks he plays to him but he’s still not done.
Sehun watches him with clouded eyes when he sits up to pull off the jeans completely and get rid of his own clothes too. He joins him on the bed again, greeted with his lover that clings to him, pressing their warm bodies together needily. He laughs hoarsely but he likes how impatient and inexcusably hungry Sehun is.

Mild surprise paints his features when he feels hands at his hips, shyly reaching for more as their little game, their competition fades into the silent corner in the back of their minds. This is more than that. They are more than that. Tao continues to kiss Sehun’s fingers, his wrist, one eye lazily watching every emotion that flashes over his face, before he lays him down on his back again and his lips wander across the brunet’s body once more, not leaving out a single spot that could cause him to shudder in rapture. He has wanted to discover every inch of that body for so long and he is done making a secret out of it.

Their bodies are covered in sweat and Tao can feel Sehun’s erratic breath fan over his lips. Their hair sticks to their foreheads and they are heating up, every touch just kindling a new fire when fingers caress soft skin, aiming to pleasure the other more. They are pressed close to each other and with every flick of his wrist Sehun scoots closer and closer. He has never felt so close to the other in his life and it almost feels like they will melt any moment now.
Tao can feel the other’s heart beat; he can feel the blood pulsing through his veins and every jerk of the aroused body of his boyfriend. They are both close, so close to tip over into their sweet release. It’s when they both take that step, Sehun choking on air and a sweet mewl that the Chinese drinks right off his lips with a vast kiss, their bodies erupting into ecstasy, it’s when Tao can’t control the trembling of his every cell or the way he moans the other’s name, his breath and thoughts running wild with all the things he never dared to say; it’s then that he realizes that he may not need to win this time. He has already won. Sehun’s small laugh is the first Tao can hear when his heart beat has calmed down and he gets off his high slowly. The sound is small but it rings in his ears like a melody, making his heart flutter.
He looks at the brunet that has his head buried in the crook of his neck, messy hair sticking sweatily to Sehun’s forehead and his chest.
“You better have some tissues ready. I’m too lazy to get up and this is a mess,” he murmurs after another chuckle and Tao, who has planted a kiss on his best friend’s head before, hums in agreement.
He still feels warm, their bodies so close to each other, but he still complies and moves over quickly to grab tissues.
“It’s less of a hassle if we hop in the shower though,” he says, cleaning up Sehun’s and his own stomach while the latter wipes his hands and chest with a flicker of disgust rushing across his face. Tao tries hard not to laugh. He is happy, even if there are still things they haven’t said. It’s when he returns from the bathroom to find Sehun sitting on his bed, hair still tousled and cheeks adorned with a sweet blush, that the words come - from Sehun’s mouth.
The brunet is fumbling with a piece of clothing - Tao only realizes that it is the top he has worn before when Sehun has already pulled it over his head - before he speaks.
“You won,” he declares in a low voice and Tao wants to kiss that pout off his lips.
Tao grins and sits down next to his best friend. He circles his arms around the younger and shakes his head slowly.
“That’s really nice, but I don’t really care for the competition anymore. I already have what I always wanted.”
Sehun makes a gagging sound and looks somewhere else when Tao glances at him but the latter can still see the deceiving blush that has crept onto Sehun’s cheeks.
“You’re really uncool when you get sappy and try to act romantic,” he complains but Tao just grins.
“But you love it.”
“Maybe…”

Tao smiles and kisses the younger’s cheek before he gets up. This is as good at it gets today. He knows, because even if Sehun likes him and they are lovers now, he’s still a sore loser. His sore loser.