Title Dear Snow
Pairing Luhan/Xiumin (minor: taohun/chanbaek)
Genre romance, low fantasy
Length 3 chapters; complete
Chapter 1 | 2 | 3
Warning English is not my native language. Also, I wrote this in 2013 so there're probably typos & other mistakes galore.
Disclaimer I own nothing but the plot and formulations. This is fiction.
Summary A sudden snow storm in the middle of August cools down Luhan, who has gone on vacation to get away from his roommate Sehun and his new lover Tao. Snow in August... it's something incredible, something magical.
This is a really old piece. It's one of the first fics I wrote in the exo fandom. For the sake of completeness I decided to repost it here (you can also find it on aff).
I'd be overjoyed to receive some feedback. Please note that this was written in 2013 and my writing style has changed some ever since...
We have been a couple for one and a half years before we broke up.
It got silent between us. There was nothing we felt to talk about anymore and it almost was like our passion fell into a deep slumber, until we gave up on it – or did we forget it? We forgot how it used to feel to be around the other. To see this spark in each other’s eyes… But we didn’t care anymore.
It was an easy and calm breakup and sometimes I have the feeling, that some of our friends still don’t understand what happened between us.
I still know how Baekhyun and Chanyeol looked at us, like we were kids that just fought over a toy and will be best friends the next day.
I guess, they had problems taking us serious, when we met them on our double date but declared that we just broke up at breakfast – 1 hour ago. I don’t know if they could or even wanted to understand how Sehun and I – how we were just content with us and how our time as a couple ended.
Without a big bang. Without a fight. Without tears…
But I’m grateful it was like that. We grew closer after it again. Now we are like brothers - even more than before our romantic relationship.
We still live together as flat mates, too.
. . .
I’m surprised when I get home a bit later than planned, because I missed my tram.
I put down my bag and kick off my shoes while shouting: “I’m home!” into the small flat. I’m answered with silence and furrow my brows, when I bent down to put the leather slippers I wore in their right place and find a foreign pair of shoes – big shoes – neatly placed next to Sehun’s sneakers.
“Sehun?” My voice gets a little puzzled while I make my way into the kitchen, loosening my necktie. “Do we have guests over?”
A reaction at last:
His bedroom door is pushed open and I can hear how he’s discussing in a low but desperate voice until I see how his pink hair peeks out from the corridor.
I watch him silently and can’t help but start to tab my fingers on one of my crossed arms impatiently.
“Oh Sehun. Can you please just get out here and say “Hello”? It’s not like you have to welcome me with a bucket of flowers or in a negligee.”
I start to chuckle. “Not like you would ever do that anyway.”
Suddenly I notice another voice – a chuckle and I grin. This friend of Sehun seems to share my sense of humor at least.
Finally my best friend brings himself to join me in the kitchen and he’s accompanied by a tall, blonde guy who wears glasses and a fashionable shirt with a really low collar. Man, he’s really handsome and I stare at him for a good second before Sehun coughs and I direct my attention back to him, right in time to see how he pulls his shirt up to his neck.
I blink. “Is that… a hickey!?”
I march over to the boy, whose face resembles a tomato in full maturity right now.
“Hyu-hyung!” He whines and I can see how the stranger next to him starts to caress his back affectionately.
Sehun pushes me away gently before he averts his gaze to the floor.
“Ehm… This…” His look wanders over to the blonde guy.
“This is Tao, my new boyfriend.”
A simple “Oh.” is the first thing that leaves my mouth, without me wanting to voice literally the only thought that is on my mind in that moment.
I look up to Tao again and he smiles at me. I’m not sure if it’s still a bit mixed up with the sheepish grin he gave the pink head in his arms but it still startles me.
He’s not only good looking but cute.
“Hi. I’m Huang Zitao. Nice to meet you, Luhan. Sehun is talking much about you. Just good things though.” He laughs shyly but still reaches out his hand to shake mine.
“At first I was jealous but now I see he was right. You really must be a lovely person. One can particularly see it in your face.”
I look confused but shake his hand before I reach up to my cheeks to touch them when he compliments me.
I feel like in a strange dream… everything is happening in front of my eyes – Sehun starts to sulk and crosses his arms in front of his chest while Tao starts to laugh again and pulls the pink haired boy into a tight loving hug - but it’s almost like a movie and I suddenly feel incapable to step in my own life anymore.
We both are single for more than three months now and I’m full of joy and happiness for my flat mate; that he fell in love again. But at the same time my stomach drops and I feel like there is a black howl starting to suck me in from inside of me. I don’t know why. I just know I shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t feel betrayed. But far in the back of my head I know, that I do.
Sehun brings Tao to the door after we ate dinner, though I lost my appetite before.
I sigh and continue to wash the dishes, while my look lingers in the dark room. It’s silent but I can still hear the couple chuckling and flirting in a low voice at the front door.
They are lovely together, really. But it still makes me feel sick in my stomach.
I look up from the sink and turn my head to the door where my best friend appeared with a slightly worried expression on his face.
He marches over and hugs me from behind.
“Are you alright? You haven’t eaten much… and…” he hesitates “I didn’t want to surprise you with Tao… I wanted to tell you before you meet him the first time but”
I feel how he tenses, trying to explain and apologize but I just push him away gently and a faint smile appears on my lips.
I finally have the guts to look up at him.
“You shouldn’t apologize. That’s not fair to Tao. Especially since I’m your ex boyfriend, fool.”
I chuckle and he laughs with a low voice, too.
“I… I just don’t want you to feel sad or unwanted or something like that. I mean… You know.”
He scratches his neck and watches me leaving the kitchen after I’ve dried my hands.
“It’s OK, Sehun. I was just surprised. Give me a bit time to stomach that your new boyfriend is so handsome. He looks like a model – seriously!”
I see how Sehun’s cheeks start to burn in a deep red but he grins sheepishly. “I know.”
“Jerk! You are cutting my self-esteem when you get yourself such a good looking man.”
We both are finally laughing again and he pulls me into a big hug – in a hug between friends.
“Too bad I know you good enough to say that you just want me to compliment you so you can tell Tao bad things about me.”
I look at Sehun in shock and push him away.
“Woah! That’s how you really think of me? Thanks for all the trust.” I sulk sarcastically before I make a mad face once again “Besides, you shouldn’t be that disrespectful to your hyung!”
. . .
It’s been two weeks already. I met Tao quite often now and I can say: He’s perfect. Perfect in any way he could be it for Sehun.
I love to see them together.
But at the same time I hate it.
The picture of Sehun and Tao together is beautiful like a painting, drawn by some really talented artist… and the feeling creeps up in my heart that they look way better together than me and Sehun ever did.
That thought makes me shiver and I hate it. I hate to feel like that. As much as I don’t even understand why I suddenly start to doubt the beauty of our past…
Why I even started to think about our past again. Why I can’t look at it with the feeling of contentment anymore…
It prevents me from sleeping and infects my last days of work.
Actually I wanted to spend my vacation – now, after my work shift for this semester break ended – relaxing at home. But I’m restless. I can’t sit with them anymore just calmly watching them when I fear nothing more than the fact that silent envy could start to crawl up in the back of my mind every second.
I love Sehun as a brother and I’m not overprotective because I can see how good Tao is for him… it’s something else.
Something I don’t know the name of and it causes such a ruckus inside of me that I decide to escape.
At least escape this scene in front of me.
“Wow. I haven’t seen you this spontaneous in months now…”
I hear Baekhyun from the front bank.
The Baekyeol couple has decided to drive me to the airport and now I sit here, between my suitcases and a pink baby seat for Chanyeol’s niece, the air thick from the heat though the tallest turned on the aircon but it feels good, good to see someone else than lovey-dovey Taohun.
It’s still ever lovey-dovey Baekyeol but my heart is more on ease with them.
“And you want to go there all alone?”
Chanyeol looks at me skeptically while he helps me getting my cases out of the car.
“Yeah.” I try to laugh a bit to loosen the somehow tensed atmosphere but it doesn’t work as well as I wish it would.
“Do you… had a fight with Sehun because of his new boyfriend?”
I look at Baekhyun desperately who intruded into our conversation with the only thing in the world I don’t want to talk about right now.
“No. But I feel odd around him and Tao because…”
My look wanders over the parking lot.
“You are a bit lonely. Hm?”
I look at Chanyeol who suggested this now and I nod – thankful that he yet found another – easier way to explain how I feel right now.
“I guess I just need some time on my own to clear my mind and relax. I really like him and Tao together. I don’t want them to feel bad just because I’m still single.”
We arrived at the counter already.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun share meaningful glances before the smaller of them wraps his arms around me.
I laugh when Chanyeol decides to loop his arms around his boyfriend – and me – too and we end up in a big group hug.
“But if you need someone to talk… you know. You can call us, alright?”
I nod and grab my pass and backpack before I wave good bye to them and get on my plane.
Being all alone… all for myself in a small hut in the mountains sounds exactly like what I need right now.
I may be born in a city and I could never really live like an outcast up in a mountain. But nature always had this special effect on me. It would calm me down and help me to clean my mind. And it will do so this time, too, won’t it?
. . .
I heave a sigh when I finally arrive at a small hut, the afternoon sun burning on my back. I will stay here the next two weeks. The weather is sunny and pleasant... the air is clear and it’s really beautiful here. A satisfied smile plasters on my face when I enter the small wooden house and the scent of wood, grass and dust welcomes me. I can’t describe why but this makes me feel kind of homey.
It starts to darken when I finally finish unpacking my stuff. I smile satisfied with my work for today, before I leave the room to enjoy the view down the mountain. It reminds me a lot of a book my grandmother read to me when I was a child. It was about a girl who lived in the mountains and spent her summers playing with a goatherd… I chuckle when I remember this.
The sun is setting low already and dips the mountain peaks in orange and pink colors. The air is filled with the scent of summer flowers, attracting buzzing insects.
I take a deep breath and just realize how much this was what I needed.
The clear, warm air flows in my lungs and it feels like it sends a wakeup call through my veins, till that pleasant chill has reached ever single spot in my body.
It’s silent around me. The only sound audible is the wind that rushes through the dark treetops and the lonely call of a cuckoo far away. The first time for weeks I feel my heart and mind at ease.
It’s ironic but that small moment alone makes me already feel relaxed. I still feel a certain weight on my shoulders, how it presses on my back and head but it feels a few pounds lighter already – to take it proverbially.
After a small snack as dinner I go to bed really early.
It’s dark outside now and here is nothing else to do… besides the fresh air, the flight and the way up here to the hut made me more tired than I thought.
I’m satisfied and calm when I close my eyes and honestly… it has been several weeks since I just fell asleep without rolling from one side to the other for hours until sleep finally took over my mind. It’s peaceful.
I shiver and turn around in my bed when I awake the next morning. It’s the first time I can remember, that I wake up because I am freezing. I am horribly cold!
It IS cold. I can clearly see my breath creating small clouds in the chilly air when I breathe out.
I blink. Why?
I stumble out of my bed and to the window but I can’t recognize anything from outside because it’s covered in – I’m not kidding – the whole glass is covered in frost patterns.
“That can’t be.” I breathe and rush to the door.
I press down the handle but the door doesn’t move.
I blink before I try to press all my weight against the wooden thing. It moves slowly, accompanied by the crunching sound of… snow.
I wide my eyes and rush outside as soon as the door is opened wide enough.
“What the hell!?” I shriek in excitement and surprise and another mixture of random emotions I can’t really label.
The meadow in front of my house is covered in a white mass that strangely reminds of cotton candy. I stumble a few steps through the high snow, starting to shiver immediately. My socks are soaking wet and the white substance reaches up to my knees.
I start to rub my hands up and down my bare arms, in the vain attempt to keep myself warm before I turn around and go back inside.
I shiver again when the – relatively – warm air hits me.
I’m confused. Like a lot. There is one feet snow lying outside in the middle of August!
After I set fire in the chimney to warm up the rooms and a warm shower – thank god for modern technique! – I sigh satisfied. I still don’t exactly know why in the Heavens it started to snow now but the weather in the mountains tends to vary anyway and I have enough clothes with me to keep me warm. Of course I don’t have any snow suits but thanks to the fact that those huts are also rentable around the winter holidays, I found a fitting one in the cupboards around the living room.
I sip on a mug of coffee and close my eyes shut when the warm liquid wanders through my body but suddenly the pleasant silence around me bursts like a soap bubble, the shrill sound of the telephone making me jump in shock.
I curse lowly when I answer the phone while I try to wipe away the strains of coffee on my grey pullover.
“Luhan? Is this Luhan? Are you alright?”
I think I never was that displeased to hear the excited voice of my ex lover.
“Sehun. Why are you calling me?”
I hear him pout from the other side of the line and my look gets a bit gloomier when I remember that I used to adore those antics.
“Bwoah! What a kind greeting! Tao and I just saw the weather cast and were concerned. They said it snowed where you are! It’s August! How can that happen?”
I sigh. I don’t want to be unfair to my friend and Tao but right now really happens, what I didn’t want at all: those two intruding my vacation… from them.
“See Sehunnie…” I try it the soft way. “I’m alright… It’s not the first time I’m in the mountains, the hut I’m living in is pretty modern and it’s warm. I found a snow suit I can use and it’s pretty common that the weather changes… I’m going to be OK.”
They are silent on the other side and it appears that the soft way was a good decision.
Then I hear rustling in the background and suddenly Tao’s voice.
“Hey Luhan… I’m happy you are well. Just… when the weather gets worse, come home, OK?”
I bite my lips because I can clearly hear honest concern in his voice but I can’t help but still am upset because I definitely didn’t want them to care about me.
“It’s OK.” I insist again “I want you to enjoy your vacation and I will do the same now. I’ll go down to find a Super Market now before it starts to snow again, OK? OK. I hang up now.”
I don’t wait for their good bye and just hang up the phone and turn it off.
My mood got worse. A part of me is happy that they thought of me but the better part of me is pissed and frustrated.
I went away, all up in the mountains to have time on my own – but they still continue to bother me!
I breathe out and rub my hands together to keep the warmth, when I leave the Super Market.
At first this idea was just an excuse to hang up the phone, but I found it indeed a good method to keep myself a bit busy… so I ended up grocery shopping anyway.
The afternoon sun is shining down on me, when I work my way through the thick snow and my eyes hurt because the powdery snow reflects the light mercilessly.
I pant when I finally arrive at the hut and unlock the door, but before I can step in, something else catches my attention.
It’s just a shadow in the corner of my eyes, but I can’t resist the urge to take a closer look.
I squint but still can’t recognize anything.
I put down my bags (which contain much more food than I probably will need for the rest of my vacation) and walk over hesitantly until my eyes grow wide in shock and I rush through the snow as fast as I can before I trip over and fall on my knees in front of the pale body.
Yes. There is a boy lying in the snow.